Today I went to Amazon.com to look for a book. On the front page, it
had some book and music recommendations, including the album “Lateralus”, by Tool.
“Hmmmm,” I said, as I clicked on the link “Why was I recommended this?”

The next page said, “We recommended Lateralus (Tool) because you recently
purchased or rated Undertow (Tool), Toxicity (System of a Down), and
The Aeneid (Virgil).”

Whaaat? What the heck does Virgil have to do with Tool?

The Aeneid, tr. Robert Fitzgerald, Book IV, lines 465-469
(Aeneas’s weaselly parting words to Dido, Queen of Carthage, who later kills herself.)

As to the event, a few words. Do not think
I meant to be deceitful and slip away.
I never held the torches of a bridegroom,
Never entered upon the pact of marriage.

“Sober”, by Tool

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Maybe that Amazon database is onto something.

A funny thing happened yesterday. I was walking out to my car when I
heard a kid say “Hey, Mister!” I looked around — I didn’t see the kid,
although I did see a middle-aged man across the parking lot. I kept
walking. “Hey, Mister!” And then another, “Hey, Mister!”

Finally, I saw a little head bobbing up over the wooden fence.
The kid was just strong enough to jump up for a second and call,
“Hey Mister!” — not quite strong enough to hold himself up or climb
over. Anyway, he was talking to… me.

“Ummmm… can I help you?” I said.

Turns out he had dropped a homemade birthday card over the fence.
I picked it up, reached over the fence, and handed it to him.
“Thanks, Mister!”

So I’m a Mister now. Crap.