Fiendish Genius

Two items of good news:

First… it looks like I’ve finally isolated the problem that was causing
poor Spenser to freeze up. After three months of despair and false hopes, it looks
like there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
And who is the computer genius that deserves the credit for showing me the way?

Why Mom, of course.

“Honey,” she said the other day, after I subjected her to my latest sad-sack tale
of scouring message boards and downloading random drivers and why-oh-why didn’t
I just buy a Mac, “why don’t you try dealing with the problem systematically?”
Uninstall as much stuff as you can and see if your computer works. If it does,
start adding things back one-at-a-time until the problem re-appears.”

From the mouths of medical writers…

So it’s the sound card. Pull the sound card out, and everything is super. Put the
sound card back in, and there is the freezing (and the moaning and the kvetching
and the tearing-out-of-the-hair and the oy gevalt…) There are a couple of reasons
why this could happen, and a number of things I can do to fix this. But that can
come later. Right now, I’m just basking in the knowledge that I can
write this without the fear that at any second, I’ll have to do a hard reboot.

Second… I’ve signed a lease on a new place. My philosophy is, if I’m living by
myself, I should pick a small, cheap place and try to save money.
As long as the apartment complex doesn’t have a green pool
that’s filled with rotting leaves. I just see that as a Bad Sign for some reason. If
that makes me effete, a yuppie suburban boy, so be it.

Eventually I found a studio and an apartment that were cheap and clean.
I almost went with the studio, until I realized how absolutely flat-out stupid
that would have been. The one thing about the studio was that the name of the
building was “Melrose Place”. I think that was what was clouding my judgment.
Or it could have been the 20% savings in rent. Hard to say.

As for writing: I’m dropping the thud-and-blunder novel for now. I guess I’ll
stick with the short SF fiction to try and stay sharp. The
Why I Hate Aliens
theme is pretty fruitful, actually. (Although it’s apparently not as straightforward
as it sounds… M’ris informs me that
about 30% of the submissions don’t have the requisite hatred of extraterrestrials,
and about 12% don’t have any extraterrestrials at all.)
Anyway, I hope to have a couple more drafts in the next few
days — not for the anthology, of course. But for what, then? Well, last Friday
cousin Michael
told me I should submit to Strange Horizons.
Sounds good to me. And if they say no… well, this site needs a Fiction
directory
, doesn’t it?

Finally, I have discovered The Dialectizer.
I looove this program. The only problem is that it doesn’t handle stylesheets
very well. No matter. It’s still a work of fiendish genius. Or as The Dialectizer
might say:

Finally, ah have discovahed Th’ Dialeckizer. ah looove this hyar program, dawgone it.
Th’ only problem is thet it don’t han’le stylesheets mighty fine. No matter. It’s still
a wawk of fiendish junius.

Technological Impropriety

We must be in a downturn. Tech support is even harder to find nowadays.

I’m still trying to get my SoundBlaster’s EAX drivers installed. The drivers
are inexplicably not on the CD or on the website. The mountain of tech tips
and FAQs (“How can SoundBlaster’s technology enhance my gaming experience?”)
didn’t help so much either. So I finally broke down and tried contacting
Creative’s tech support.

Do they make this difficult? Boy howdy. There’s no email address. There’s
not even a web form to fill out. No, you have to create a user account
with them and file a service ticket. (The user account is one of those
amusing forms where, if you make a mistake, the form spits back at you
with all the “Send me promotional material!” checkboxes re-checked. They
almost got me with that one, but fortunately I made a *2nd* error, and caught
it just in time.

I don’t hold out much hope that these bozos will be helpful. I can’t find
my receipt (will I never learn?), so returning the card is not an
option. But at the very least, I’ll have the satisfaction of tearing the
card from the slot and snapping it in half. “Let this be a warning… to all
of you,” I’ll say, shaking my finger at the chassis.

Anyway, I managed to catch the SJ Rep’s “Ctrl-Alt-Delete” with Shauna on Friday
night. It’s a spoof on the dot-com boom, with a surprisingly upbeat ending.
It was… OK. Not “In the Bog of Cats”, but not bad. The couple sitting
in front of us brought their seven-year-old daughter, for what I think was
her birthday. A bit of an odd choice, but if they feel their daughter is
ready to see a beefy man pull a sock from his leopard-print speedo underwear,
who am I to criticize?

By accident, we found the bar where the actors usually come to hang
out after the show. Good stuff to know, since I have two more shows this season.
I probably shouldn’t have bought the whole package, but I was living
in different times back then. “Hey hon, guess what? I got us almost the full
season of tickets to the SJ Rep!” Who knew all those Good Boyfriend Points would
go to waste?

Rebuilding

Battling endless PC assembly problems, but I am back on the web. Lessons learned:

Never, ever buy a 1.4GHz Athlon. Sure, the price/performance looked good at the time.
But I am suffering from severe overheating problems, and my system is still freezing
up about once an hour on average. Now that I’ve factored in the time, money, and heartache
dealing with this problem (I calculate heartache at roughly $20/hour), it would have been far
more efficient to go with a fast PIII. So far, here’s what I’ve tried.

  1. Baseline. Steady state chip temperature: 68 degrees C.
  2. New chassis with better airflow, extra fan. Temperature: 59 degrees C.
  3. Taking off the chassis side door. Now we’re going ghetto. Temperature: 56 degrees C.
  4. Underclocking to 1.05 GHz. Please don’t tell anyone on WatercooledAthlonEnthusiast.com… I have a reputation to protect. Temperature: 49 degrees C.

All temperature measurements are with the Asus motherboard probe. Some say this
probe is off by up to 10 degrees. Some say it’s pretty accurate. Heck, I don’t
even know if the temperature is uniform across the chip. Nor do I know what magic
temperature will eliminate the freezing problem completely, although I hear rumors
that 50 degrees is pretty close. Welcome to the mystical world of Computer “Science”.

Never, ever use Microsoft Outlook Express. Well, ok, everyone says this.
Here’s what gets me: the total inability to
export old email messages. You can’t export messages into *.PST files in Outlook Express
without getting MAPI errors. You can’t import *.PST files either, because the import
function refuses to deal with files… just “identities”. Huh?

Microsoft does have a very clearly-written technical article (#Q176267)
on this subject, with step-by-step instructions. Unfortunately, the
instructions don’t have anything to do with reality.

So if you’re using Outlook Express, you might as well scrawl your old email messages
in cuneiform on the back of your motherboard. ‘Cause they ain’t leaving your hard
drive, ever.

Never assume that if you buy a new piece of hardware, the shipped drivers are current.
I hear the crowd saying, “Duh”, so let’s move on.

Never assume that PC assembly and compatibility problems improve or go away with time.
See sidebar.

At this point, it’s time to start calling technical support for the various vendors.
Perhaps they’ll be helpful. Isn’t it pretty to think so?

Lost Innocence

When I built my first system in 1998, I was pretty impressed with how easy things were. Basically I
just plugged things in, clicked through a few screens, and everything worked. The hardest
part was figuring out how the motherboard fit into the chassis.
(Pat and I scratched our heads over all those metal widgets for a couple of hours,
to be sure.)

But everything else was idiot-proof. You couldn’t even plug anything in backwards.
It was great. We were up and running
Starcraft in no time.

I had heard that in the bad old days, building a computer was
difficult. For Serious Enthusiasts Only. But along came standards. Plug ‘N Play, USB,
huzzah!

Things seemed to be working reasonably well three years ago. I assumed things
would be the same today. Oh, well.

The only thing certain to remain constant — my own naivete.