{"id":29,"date":"2001-12-28T14:38:06","date_gmt":"2001-12-28T19:38:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/wordpress\/advanced_whoopie_cushion_technology"},"modified":"2001-12-28T14:38:06","modified_gmt":"2001-12-28T19:38:06","slug":"advanced_whoopie_cushion_technology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/2001\/12\/advanced_whoopie_cushion_technology.html","title":{"rendered":"Advanced Whoopie Cushion Technology"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\n“I’m surrounded by idiots! Present company excluded, of course.” – Nancy\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\nNancy got food poisoning a couple of days ago. She’s recovered now, but it
\nwas, of course, pretty unpleasant. And from which rat-infested
\nhole-in-the-wall eatery did she get the food poisoning in the
\nfirst place?\n<\/p>\n

\nWhy, the
\nSan Jose Fairmont<\/a>,
\nof course.\n<\/p>\n

\nOne of Nancy’s friends (who shall remain nameless) called her on the phone
\nand learned about the food poisoning. “Oh, no,” the friend said. “Is it
\ncontagious?” Hence Nancy’s subsequent outburst.\n<\/p>\n

\nEric’s girlfriend Susan is an amazing woman. How do I know this? Consider
\nthe Christmas gift she gave him: a self-inflating whoopie cushion. Not just
\nany whoopie cushion, mind you. Self-inflating. Who knew that gag-gift
\ntechnology had advanced so far? It’s clear that no matter what Susan touches,
\nit’s going to be high-end, class all the way.\n<\/p>\n

\nNot that we didn’t get a lot of enjoyment out of the whoopie cushion — as the
\nbox said, “Hours of Flatulent Fun!” — but Eric’s five-year-old nephew Ryan
\nseems to be getting the most out of it. Ryan has discovered that if he
\nplaces the whoopie cushion under the cushion on Grandma Stenberg’s chair, he
\ncan get Grandma Stenberg to say a Very Bad Word. And now that Ryan has opened
\nhis Christmas presents, he has a pocket-sized voice recorder.
\nEven now, Ryan has been spotted lurking under tables, hoping to catch another
\ngrownup on tape saying another Very Bad Word. Just don’t say you weren’t warned.\n<\/p>\n

\nAs for my Chanukah presents — they weren’t quite<\/em> as exciting as the
\nwhoopie cushion, how could they be? However, I did get a couple of wonderful
\nOnion<\/a> books. First, Elana and Adiv sent me
\nOur
\nDumb Century<\/a>. They said that they almost got me a subscription to the Wall St.
\nJournal, but they wanted to get me something more intellectual-like. Yikes! Me<\/em>,
\na subscriber to the Wall St. Journal? What’s next, little elephant-shaped diamond
\ncufflinks? Elana, Adiv, I’m not that<\/em> far gone into
\nconservative old fuddy-duddiness… am I?\n<\/p>\n

\nIn the same shipment, I got
\nDispatches
\nfrom the Tenth Circle<\/a>. The latter was from Mr. and Mrs. Ynolez, who said,\n<\/p>\n

\n

\nTo the Webmaster of Goer.org, We are your biggest fans. Please accept this gift
\nas proof that someone actually reads your website. Respectfully, Mr. and Mrs. Ynolez.\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\nI can only assume the Ynolezes are friends of Elana and Adiv. Either that, or
\nthey are expert computer hackers who managed to break into Amazon.com
\nand add another book to my sister’s order — for what nefarious ends, none can say.
\nAll I have to say is, glad you like it… and thank you so much for the gift! I
\nliked both books very much, and I’ve practically finished Dispatches<\/em> already.\n<\/p>\n

\nAlso, this marks a goer.org first: positive proof that someone who I don’t know
\nis visiting the site. Ah, I remember the good old days, when I could count the
\npeople who visited this site on one hand. Now it takes two hands, at least.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“I’m surrounded by idiots! Present company excluded, of course.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goer.org\/Journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}