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Technology Gods

I've been having all sorts of problems with technology recently.

1. My ISP, BowieNet (or as Sam liked to call it, SlowieNet -- oh yeah, Sam, well pay for your own damn ISP then!) Oops, where was I? Oh yes, my ISP, BowieNet, has been down a lot. Well, OK, that's not news.

2. The fuse for the circuit that controls my apartment's bedroom and living room lights blew. I had always just had a halogen lamp and my computer on that circuit. And an alarm clock. Then I added 28W worth of compact fluorescent bulbs to the line. "We cannae take nae more o this, Captain!" Poof!

3. On Monday, someone in my company decided that my office phone was a fax machine, and set the fax on their end to "autodial". So I got a call every minute for over thirty minutes. I don't know who it was, because the person was dialing from one of our "flexible field offices" in Colorado, which is sort of a waystation for mobile employees. Nevertheless, stupid-fax-person, rest assured I will find you. I have plans for you. Oh, yes. Plans.

4. My PC is still freezing up, despite my fresh install of Windows 2000. As far as I can tell, this only happens when A) the sound card is running and B) when my modem is connected. I mentioned this to J.C. and he said, "Oh, you've probably got both devices on IRQ 9." I checked, and holy cow, he was exactly right.

   Then I did some more checking, and it turns out that my video card and some other device are also on IRQ 9. What the heck? All I did was install the OS and let it recognize the devices by default. Why doesn't Windows automatically spread out those devices to different IRQs? There's like 16 of them, and most of them are free. I mean, how hard is that?

M'ris thinks she knows why the technology gods have turned against me: "Have you been neglecting them of late? Have you been playing fewer computer games? Something like that? They need their regular sacrifices." Ay me, I admit it. I've played no computer games at all for the last few months (except for an occasional round of Titan). I have sinned, and perhaps I shall never be redeemed.

Well, on to good news. Last weekend I discovered that IKEA is the greatest store of all time. I went there for bookshelves and was simply paralyzed with the staggering array of inexpensive, good-looking stuff. Good thing I have such iron self-control, or I might have bought an entire living room set. Bookcases! We're here for bookcases, Evan. Focus, man, focus!

It's not like people haven't told me that IKEA was great. I've even been to IKEA before, but it wasn't the the same; I wasn't shopping for me. Two years ago, my friend Derrick Chau in L.A. dragged me with him. It was a nice Saturday morning, and hundreds of young couples were wafting through the store.

Derrick: Do you like this coffee table?

Me: Oooh, that's a nice one!

Derrick: How about these couch cushions?

Me: Well, they're OK, but I don't think they match your couch or your curtains.

(more of the same dialog for several minutes...)

Derrick (looking around): Dude, how about you walk this way, I'll walk that way, and we'll meet up later?

Me (looking around): Good call.

In Other News: in an upcoming Science journal article, physicists at Oak Ridge National Labs are claiming to have seen table-top fusion in acoustic acetone bubbles. However, other physicists at Oak Ridge have been unable to reproduce the results, and the APS seems unimpressed: "Perhaps Science magazine covets the vast readership of Infinite Energy magazine." Now that's just mean.

Posted by Evan Goer on Mar. 06, 2002 at 10:20 PM